These terms form the foundation of the TEG-Blue framework. Each concept connects to others, creating a web of understanding. Click any term to explore its full meaning, the science behind it, and how it relates to other concepts.
Understanding Pain
Different types of emotional hurt and where they come from.
Trigger Response
When something in the present activates an old wound. The pain is real, but no one caused harm — they simply touched something already tender.
Real & Justified Pain
Hurt that comes from actual harm, boundary violations, or wrongdoing. This pain deserves accountability because something wrong actually happened.
Avoidance Response
When hurt is used — consciously or not — to control, shift blame, or avoid responsibility. Often appears as reactive blame or playing victim to escape accountability.
Repair & Growth
What restoration and repair look like.
Accountability
Acknowledging impact, taking responsibility, and making repair possible. Not punishment — recognition.
Real Accountability
When harm is named, it is met with listening, ownership, and a willingness to change. Mistakes are faced, not avoided.
Genuine Empathy
Empathy that is felt, shared, and grounded in care. Emotions are met with curiosity and respect, without pressure to change or perform.
Grounded Confidence
Confidence rooted in real self-worth. Presence is calm, respectful, and spacious. Strength doesn't require proving or overpowering.
Value Alignment
Integrity lived through behavior. Values show up consistently, including under pressure. You don't have to guess where you stand.
Patterns & Dynamics
Behavioral patterns that show up in relationships.
Reactive Blame
Flipping the story to escape accountability. When confronted, the person immediately redirects blame onto the one who spoke up.
Instrumental Hurt
When hurt is used as a tool — to control a situation, silence someone, or shift the power dynamic.
Intent vs. Impact
"They didn't mean to" doesn't undo the harm. Impact exists regardless of intent — and acknowledging impact is what allows repair.
Performed Accountability
Accountability used to manage tension, not repair harm. Apologies may sound intense, but the same behaviors repeat.
Protective Accountability
Partial accountability shaped by self-protection. Apologies may appear, but often come with explanations, minimization, or withdrawal.
Absent Accountability
Harm without ownership. Pain is denied, mocked, or used as leverage. Boundaries are punished, and honesty leads to fear.
Selective Empathy
Empathy that is conditional or inconsistent. Care may be present in some moments, but withdraws when emotions feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
Performed Empathy
Empathy used as strategy rather than connection. Emotional attunement may feel intense, but it serves to manage power or secure closeness.
Weaponized Empathy
Emotional insight used for surveillance and control, not care. Your inner world is read in order to dominate, not to connect.
Performed Confidence
Confidence shaped by insecurity and fear of inadequacy. Strength may appear solid, but tension emerges when challenged.
Superiority Mask
Confidence used to control rather than connect. Certainty replaces curiosity, and disagreement becomes something to dominate.
Remorseless Dominance
Confidence fused with power and domination. Authority is enforced through intimidation, shaming, or fear. This is not leadership — it is control.
Conditional Alignment
Values that are real but fragile. They appear when it's easy, but disappear under stress. Intent is present, but follow-through wavers.
Performed Alignment
Values used as a mask. Language sounds right, but behavior contradicts it. Values become tools for image management, not guidance.
Remorseless Betrayal
Values used to dominate, deflect, or punish. Moral language becomes a tool of control. This is not contradiction — it is betrayal.
The Four Modes
The nervous system states that shape how we relate.
Connection Mode
The nervous system state where safety is perceived. Empathy is fully available, flexibility is high, and repair is possible.
Protection Mode
The nervous system state where threat is perceived. Defensive but recoverable — empathy is partial, flexibility reduced.
Control Mode
The nervous system state where safety is sought through controlling others. Empathy becomes strategic, flexibility is limited.
Domination Mode
The nervous system state where power becomes the only safety. Empathy is offline, flexibility is minimal, harm is normalized.