What happened to you matters
Their intention or explanation may add context. It does not erase how their actions affected you.
Spotting patternsSomeone else’s words and actions
What Do the Green and Red Flags Show Together?
See both sets of flags side by side, one area at a time. Supportive behavior and harmful pressure can both be real in the same relationship.
Read both lists together
One set of flags does not cancel the other.
Each area pairs a Green Flags group with its Red Flags twin. Green flags plant from the left, red flags from the right. Look at where support stands, where pressure stands, and where the ground is still empty.
Listening and speaking up
Green Flags · 0/3 planted
Listening and difference
Nothing planted yetThis area stays unknown. Empty ground does not mean the behavior is absent.
Plant flags here →Red Flags · 0/3 planted
Speaking up and difference
Nothing planted yetThis area stays unknown. Empty ground does not mean the area is safe.
Plant flags here →Nothing planted on either side yet. Plant a few flags on each list before reading this area.
Limits and independence
Green Flags · 0/3 planted
Choice and boundaries
Nothing planted yetThis area stays unknown. Empty ground does not mean the behavior is absent.
Plant flags here →Red Flags · 0/3 planted
Pressure on limits and independence
Nothing planted yetThis area stays unknown. Empty ground does not mean the area is safe.
Plant flags here →Nothing planted on either side yet. Plant a few flags on each list before reading this area.
Responsibility and repair
Green Flags · 0/3 planted
Responsibility and follow-through
Nothing planted yetThis area stays unknown. Empty ground does not mean the behavior is absent.
Plant flags here →Red Flags · 0/3 planted
Blame and repair that does not change
Nothing planted yetThis area stays unknown. Empty ground does not mean the area is safe.
Plant flags here →Nothing planted on either side yet. Plant a few flags on each list before reading this area.
Keep in view
Words, actions, and what changes
When you are looking at someone else’s repeated behavior, these distinctions matter.
Both sets of flags describe the same relationship.
Reading them side by side keeps good moments from explaining away pressure, and keeps pressure from erasing what is genuinely supportive.
Green flags do not cancel repeated red ones.
Pressure that returns tells you more than a single apology.
Where the ground is empty, the evidence is still unknown.
You cannot make another person change. You can notice what keeps happening and decide what contact, limits, support, or distance you need.
Read the pattern, not the promise.
Look for what changes
Words matter when they are followed by responsibility, respect for your experience and limits, care, and different behavior over time.
Repetition is information
When the same harm or pressure continues, repeated behavior tells you more than promises, apologies, or claims of understanding.
Quick answers
What do full, half-mast and empty flags mean?
A full flag records behavior you have seen repeatedly. Half-mast records behavior you see sometimes. An empty space remains unknown; it does not mean No or that the behavior is absent.
Do green flags cancel red flags?
No. The combined page keeps supportive behavior and harmful pressure visible in each area. It does not subtract one from the other or decide whether a relationship is safe.
Are my answers saved?
Answers stay in memory while you navigate between these tools. They are not stored or sent to an account or analytics. Reloading the page clears both lists.
Should I start with facts or feelings?
Start with what happened: what was said, done, changed, withheld, repeated, or agreed. Then name what you felt in response. Last, name the meaning you gave the event and ask whether the evidence supports that meaning or another explanation may also fit.