TEG-BlueWhat happened to you matters
Their intention or explanation may add context. It does not erase how their actions affected you.
Which Supportive Behaviors Keep Showing Up?
Plant a green flag on each supportive behavior you have seen. Lower it to half-mast when it only happens sometimes, and leave the ground empty when you do not know.
Spotting patternsSomeone else’s words and actions
Listening and difference
Notice whether your experience can remain present when it differs from theirs.
Listens without taking over
They let you finish, without interrupting or rushing to fix what you feel.
Makes room for a different view
Disagreement does not bring mockery, punishment, or silence.
Protects what you share
Private or vulnerable information stays safe, including during conflict.
Choice and boundaries
Look at whether care leaves room for your limits, decisions, and other relationships.
Respects a no
A limit is met without guilt, pressure, withdrawal, or retaliation.
Support leaves the choice with you
Their help does not decide what is yours to decide.
Welcomes your independence
Your success and other relationships do not require you to become smaller.
Responsibility and follow-through
Notice what happens after a promise, a mistake, or a difficult conversation.
Words and actions match
What they say and what they do stay reasonably consistent over time.
Owns the effect
They take responsibility for impact even when their intention was different.
Repair changes something
An apology is followed by concrete repair and different behavior.
Keep in view
Words, actions, and what changes
When you are looking at someone else’s repeated behavior, these distinctions matter.
Supportive behavior leaves room for more than calm.
It leaves room for your experience, your no, and the possibility that something difficult can be named without making you pay for it.
Consistency matters more than one unusually good moment.
Respect for a limit matters most when the answer is not what they wanted.
Repair becomes visible in what changes after the words.
You do not have to ignore supportive behavior because no relationship is perfect. You also do not have to use good moments to explain away repeated pressure, punishment, or harm.
A green flag is not a promise. It is one piece of repeated, observable evidence.
Look for what changes
Words matter when they are followed by responsibility, respect for your experience and limits, care, and different behavior over time.
Repetition is information
When the same harm or pressure continues, repeated behavior tells you more than promises, apologies, or claims of understanding.
Quick answers
What do full, half-mast and empty flags mean?
A full flag records behavior you have seen repeatedly. Half-mast records behavior you see sometimes. An empty space remains unknown; it does not mean No or that the behavior is absent.
Do green flags cancel red flags?
No. The combined page keeps supportive behavior and harmful pressure visible in each area. It does not subtract one from the other or decide whether a relationship is safe.
Are my answers saved?
Answers stay in memory while you navigate between these tools. They are not stored or sent to an account or analytics. Reloading the page clears both lists.
Should I start with facts or feelings?
Start with what happened: what was said, done, changed, withheld, repeated, or agreed. Then name what you felt in response. Last, name the meaning you gave the event and ask whether the evidence supports that meaning or another explanation may also fit.