Pattern-reading tools

Find a tool for the pattern you are trying to understand.

Start with one situation. Look at what happened, what changed, and what the behavior does under pressure.

These free tools support pattern recognition. They do not diagnose anyone, claim certainty about motives, or decide for you what to do.

Find a tool

What are you trying to understand?

Showing 15 tools in all tools.

Start with a question

What feels hard to make sense of?

Choose the question closest to what happened. It does not have to fit perfectly.

Did the apology repair anything?Does their care support your choices?Is it a boundary—or control?Can I be kind without hiding myself?What happens when they get angry?Can I still say no without pressure or debt?

Choose what you want to look at

Self-reflection

Look at your own choices, reactions, or limits.

Spotting patterns

Look at someone else’s repeated words, actions, and effects.

Pattern reference

Consult a map of how one behavior changes across a wider progression.

Browse

Browse by topic.

15 public tools

3 Tools

Repair and accountability

Apologies, accountability, promises, and whether behavior changes.

Open area overview
ApologiesSpotting patternsWhat Happens After They Apologise?Use it to see whether someone names what they did, listens to how it affected you, and changes something after saying sorry.Compare three versions of a behavior across everyday situations.OpenAccountabilityPattern referenceDoes responsibility lead to listening and changed behavior?Use this reference to see whether someone listens and changes their behavior, gets defensive, or says the right words while the same harm continues.Consult how one behavior changes as pressure rises and choices narrow.OpenIntegrityPattern referenceDo actions still match stated values when keeping them becomes costly?Use this reference to compare stated values with repeated behavior, especially when honesty, fairness, consent, or repair costs something.Consult how one behavior changes as pressure rises and choices narrow.Open

5 Tools

Boundaries, harm, and control

Boundaries, distance, help, silence, harm, and saying no.

Open area overview
BoundariesSpotting patternsHow Do They Handle Boundaries?Use it to see whether a limit stands on its own or uses silence, affection, access, or consequences until another person gives in.Compare three versions of a behavior across everyday situations.OpenOne boundarySpotting patternsIs It a Boundary—or Control?Use it to examine one limit: whose behavior it governs, whether freedom remains on both sides, and what happens when you ask, disagree, or say no.Compare two experiences that can look similar and notice what changes between them.OpenControlPattern referenceDoes their care leave the other person more able to choose?Use this reference to see whether care supports someone's freedom, starts taking over, creates obligation, or removes their room to choose.Consult how one behavior changes as pressure rises and choices narrow.OpenA need and your noPattern referenceCan I still say no without pressure, debt, or punishment?Use it to see whether someone’s need leaves room for your choice or becomes obligation, guilt, pressure, debt, or obedience.Consult how one behavior changes as pressure rises and choices narrow.OpenA pauseSpotting patternsDo They Need Space to Process Our Conflict—or Are They Trying to Control the Situation?Use it to see whether space after conflict preserves both people’s choices and leaves a way forward—or makes contact conditional on agreement, apology, or surrender.Compare two experiences that can look similar and notice what changes between them.Open

3 Tools

Self-trust and reactions

Your yes, your reaction, self-care, confidence, and hidden cost.

Open area overview
People-pleasingSelf-reflectionAm I Kind—or Am I People-Pleasing?Notice whether care leaves room to take time, disagree, name hurt, ask for help, set a limit, change your mind, or say no.Compare two experiences that can look similar and notice what changes between them.OpenConfidenceSpotting patternsConfidence or Arrogance?Compare what someone does when other people succeed, correct them, disagree, or do not provide praise.Compare three versions of a behavior across everyday situations.OpenSelf-trustPattern referenceWhen someone questions their position, does their confidence still leave room for other people?Use this reference to see whether someone allows questions and disagreement, gets defensive, silences other views, or uses fear to force compliance.Consult how one behavior changes as pressure rises and choices narrow.Open

4 Tools

Responses during conflict

Anger, empathy, feedback, responsibility, power, and repair.

Open area overview
MaturitySpotting patternsWhen Things Get Difficult, Can They Still Listen, Take Responsibility, and Repair?Use this checklist to see whether someone can hear feedback, admit a mistake, consider another account, change behavior, and repair when doing so costs something.Gather observable evidence across several areas of repeated behavior.OpenSupportSpotting patternsWhich Supportive Behaviors Have You Actually Seen Repeatedly?Use this one-mark checklist to record repeated evidence around listening, your no, your independence, responsibility, and concrete repair after something goes wrong.Gather observable evidence across several areas of repeated behavior.OpenEmpathyPattern referenceWhat does someone do with what they understand about your feelings?Use this reference to see whether someone listens and respects choice, pulls away when feelings get difficult, expects repayment for care, or uses private information to control.Consult how one behavior changes as pressure rises and choices narrow.OpenAngerSpotting patternsWhat Happens When They Get Angry?Use it to see whether someone stays specific, listens, and takes responsibility—or uses anger to create silence, fear, or compliance.Compare three versions of a behavior across everyday situations.Open

Quick answers

Short answers for finding a tool and using it responsibly.

Which tool should I start with?

Start with the word closest to the moment: apology, boundary, silence, anger, hurt, control, repair, people-pleasing, or no. The library search and question list route you from there.

Do I need to know TEG-Blue first?

No. Each tool starts with one situation and can be used on its own. The tools are pattern recognition for emotional clarity, not a theory quiz.

Are these tools free?

Payments are paused while the public tool library is being refined. Use the available tools freely for now.

Are these tools diagnoses?

No. They help you read observable behavior in a specific situation. They do not diagnose a person, provide therapy, or replace care, safety planning, professional support, or legal advice.