The 4-Mode Gradient

How your nervous system moves through Connection, Protection, Control, and Domination — and what this means for understanding yourself and others.

Threat → defense → narrowing

Regulation through self-protection.

Threat narrows empathy and attention, and behavior becomes reactive, avoidant, or guarded.

perception

Narrowing — focus shifts to potential threats and dangers

emotions

Restricted — anxiety, fear, or vigilance dominate

empathy

Reduced — harder to access others' perspectives

behaviors

Reactive — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses activate

repair

Difficult — self-protection takes priority over connection

What Our Inner Compass Really Does

Our inner compass tells how we need to act in every given moment. But what powers it? Underneath every shift in perception, every change in what feels possible, every moment when connection opens or closes — there is a system running.

That system is a four-mode gradient. The compass points out:

What we can perceive in a given moment

What emotions are available

Whether empathy is open or closed

What behaviors are possible

Whether repair can happen

We don't choose to run it. It's already running inside of us. And it shifts — based on how safe or threatened our nervous system feels.

Why This Matters

When you understand our Inner Compass and our 4 states, we stop asking:

"Why am I like this?"

And start asking:

"What state am I in right now?"

"What is my system trying to solve?"

"What would help it shift?"

This changes everything. It removes self-blame. It increases clarity. It opens the door to movement.

Health Is Not One State

Health is not staying in Connection all the time. Health is:

Knowing where you are

Understanding why

Being able to move when conditions change

Returning to connection when safety allows

The Emotional Compass shows you where you are. The 4-mode states explain why you're there — and what would allow you to move.

When regulation is healthy, the nervous system remains flexible. The Emotional Compass stays responsive to reality — it shifts when conditions change, and it returns when safety comes back.

Health is not staying in connection. Health is being able to:

Protect when protection is needed

Organize when structure is required

Intervene when harm must be prevented

Return to connection when safety allows

When safety is restored, the system naturally settles back toward Connection — without force.